Lunch
by elizavparker
Summary: Narcissa and Hermione go out to lunch, will the men show up, meant to be a humor fic. Includes overly motherly Narcissa, Lucius being funny and sarcastic awesome snape.


The two women were seated at a lavish restaurant.

"So I assume since you are in fact out to eat this afternoon that you are done for the year?" Narcissa asks as the waiter walks away with their drink order.

"With everything that has to be done for the year. But I'm sure there is something I can find to do when I go back." Hermione answers, looking over the menu. They've been here before. Upscale, posh and unlikely somewhere Rita would be looking to spy. In other words, distinctly muggle.

"I don't understand why Lucius demanded all of the top be required to show up today. It seems quite odd." Narcissa comments.

Hermione just raises an eye brow in question.

"Even for him." Narcissa finishes, a smile gracing her lips.

Hermione places her menu down. A nice tuna steak sounds nice. Sea food just wasn't the same in the wizarding world. It had a tendency to try to swim in your cocktail even after it was cooked.

"May I ask what you said to him before they all left, he looked like you had taken candy away from a child on Halloween." Hermione asks, sipping her drink. She would like to know, so she could use it from time to time. If there was a hobby at work she enjoyed, it was taking the wind out of Lucius's sails.

Narcissa smiles, "I kindly informed him that whatever establishment he decides on taking Draco, Blaise and Theodore, I expect their servers to have a modest dress code and that if he did not take this into consideration, there would be consequences." Taking a sip of her drink, smirking in the most lady like fashion Hermione had ever seen.

Hermione does her best to camouflage a snort of laughter. Riddle was an evil bastard but no one struck fear into the soul of Mr. Malfoy Sr like Mrs. Malfoy.

The waiter takes their orders and the ladies are left to their conversation.

"I assume you will be coming to the New Year's party. " Narcissa says. Ah yes Hermione had been invited to attended. Lucius had made Draco give her the invitation in his office, to which both her and Draco had rolled their eyes at Mrs. Malfoy's rather transparent attempt. Lucius was smiling, and politely commented that Draco's mother had nothing else she could nag him about for the week. At that both her and Draco had bother snickered at a big bad former death eater being whipped. She knew by invited, Narcissa really meant are required to to attend.

"Of course, your invitation didn't specify a dress code. I wouldn't have thought of it, but I ran into Pansy and that friend of hers and they were going on and on about it. I don't have the highest tolerance for that friend and I was on lunch trying to replace a shirt." Hermione commented.

It was Narcissa's turn to raise an eyebrow in a questioning manner.

"Crookshanks seemed to have shredded the tail, hadn't noticed it until I got to work and Draco pointed it out." Hermione says.

"Did he now." Narcissa says with a smile.

Oh Hermione knew where this was going. Better to get it done and over with before the cocktails set in. Even on her best days, facing Narcissa on this topic was a tall order. Tipsy which she knew they were both intent on becoming by the end of lunch it would be nearly impossible. Both elder Malfoys had been trying for the better part of her time at the firm to get her and Draco together. She and Draco had always politely dodge the attempts and rolled their eyes, of late they had been a little less quiet about the silliness from his parents. It was starting to become ridiculous on their part, and frankly Hermione expected better from two people who came from long lines of Slytherines, sneaky and underhanded were practically sewn into the family tapestry.

Now it had become a sport complete with points awarded for different marks between herself and Draco. Pursed lips from the woman in front of her, two points. She wondered what kind of score Draco would be racking up right now on good ol' Lucius, he always was more fun to torment. Narcissa wasn't a pure blood wife for three decades for nothing, that woman could hold a mask better then a death eater. Lucius just blew his top, in fantastical ways with a huge audience, oh he also had the hair flip. Even Narcissa didn't have the hair flip.

She wondered if Narcissa was going to broach the topic again, or leave it go. It was Christmas season, maybe Narcissa was in a giving mood.

"You know, I've never understood why you and my son have never tried dating. You're both young professionals. You have similar interests. You live near each other. Unless of course he is seeing someone and just failed to tell Lucius and I." Narcissa says. No Yule tide tendencies early and pulling a move only an over bearing mother could pull. Embarrassingly blunt, awkward with a side of guilt. Oh what an unwelcome Yule tide feast. How to counter this move, ahh indirectly, attack Lucius, always a good target when it comes to Draco. Narcissa thinks he's always too hard on the boy.

"Ha, with what time, Draco works the same hours I do. Which is to say an incredible amount of over time. And the time he's not professionally getting into trouble, he's out at the wizarding health club playing indoor Quidditch with the boys. I've seen him enough Saturdays in the office looking like he had the day lights beaten out of him, only to go to the Burrow or GP and see Ron and Harry in the same condition. Apparently some habits were not left at Hogwarts. If he's got a girl friend, I want to know who's doing all his work. His support staff is not that gifted. Zambini maybe, but If I know Blaise, he would have bitched about it by now." Hermione says. Reverse guilt over time, check, working on Saturday and having no social life check. Lead her over to Blaise, comment on the ineptitude of his friends. Multi-layered counter attack. Severus would be so proud. Watching Narcissa mentally formulate how to maul Lucius into giving both her and Draco more vacation time priceless.

Take that Gryffdendors could be sneaky and underhanded too.

"I supposed, that could be true." Narcissa says, taking a sip of her cocktail, no doubt trying to figure out what way she was going to say to bend Lucius to her whim. The guy didn't look flexible, but Hermione had a feeling in Nar's magical hands he was a variable platinum blond Gumbee. A mental image of Lucius as a green little muggle action figure dance across her mind. She would have to tell Draco, he would no doubt get a kick out of the imagery.

"Well you do live on the same floor as he does, in muggle flats the two of you insisted on having even though there are more then acceptable living quarters elsewhere to be had." Narcissa says. Ah- ha, the my baby doesn't live at home argument. apparently in the wizarding world living in your parent's basement is okay, if not encouraged.

"Narcissa, if my short time living at Gimmald Place taught me anything, it was that trying to keep tabs on the extracurricular activities of friends of the opposite gender or of the same gender for that matter, is that one is bound to get an eye full of things even the best memory charms can not erase. I don't think I need to elaborate on the horrible site that I happened upon in the library between Ronald and the former class mate of mine by the name of Lavender Brown. Or worse yet the one between Ginny and Har" Hermione got out before a delicate hand went up to silence her comment further.

"No need." Ohh two blunt mono syllable words, more effective then originally thought.

"Speaking of the small army of red haired..." Narcissa continues, faltering on finding an acceptable word.

"Gryffendor house mates." Hermione supplies.

"Yes, housemates. I believe Andy said Molly is throwing a big party for the eldest grand child. She is rather excited that Teddy has a playmate of similar age and connections. I believe you were likely invited. "

"Oh yes, and I bought her a very nice toy. It a nice muggle one, you know the kind that lights up and makes noise and despite magic wont shut up. Both Victorie and Arthor should love it. Bill and Fleur should get a kick out of it too. It's charmed to get 10 times more fun when its at the Burrow." Hermione says with a smirk that any Malfoy would be proud of.

"I'm sure Molly will absolutely adore it." Narcissa comments, looking down at her salad the waiter had just put in front of her.

"I'm counting on it. " Hermione says smiling, remembering the reasons why she would love to rattle the Weasley matriarch.

Molly had not so nicely taken the news that Hermione was pursuing an education, not that the woman was against education, but Molly had figured since Ron's second year that Hermione and Ron would grow up and get married straight out of Hogwarts like the vast majority of wizards do. Now everyone but Molly and Ron could see this was never going to happen. Dementors were more likely to frolic with goblins in pink tutus then Hermione become a house wife. Molly had been shocked by the idea that Hermione had not wanted to marry her youngest son straight away after the war and told her so much.

Hermione had moved out of Grimmald place within the week. Snape had given her room and board in exchange for assistance in brewing potions. That and pissing off the vast majority of Weaselys and Potter might have also been a mitigating factor. Complain as he may while at Hogwarts, not having to educate more generations of dunderheads was worth more then simply having to deal with one of the golden trio under his roof, she didn't think highly of Quidditch and respected his vast numbers of books. Certainly a better house guest then The damn rat. While at his residence she worked on inventing, since school did not start back up for several months and dealing with Weasleys she would not. The results was a charmed tapestry, which required a supply of potion to work monthly. Potion only he was authorized to make. It made them both rich, and when he did have to pay her a portion of the profits, his take on a simple and cheaply produced potion was more then enough to keep him happy, or as she like to think less grumpy. Somehow calling Snape happy just seemed insulting.

So at the last party for on of Bill and Fleur's kids, Ron had made the rude comment with Lavender on his lap that she now spent her time working for ends meat for the Malfoys. She knew Snape had snorted from the corner out of ear shot at the comment, seeing at only a hand full of people knew the really money maker. Snape, Harry, Ginny and the Malfoy's, who were in charge of distributing the tapestries and the content through Malfoy industries. It was a good way to protect her identity on the matter and truth be told ensuring her market share seemed like a good task for the Slytherine family.

Now back to the task at hand, evasively maneuvering around Narcissa in mothering mode on a match making mission.

"Now, the New Year's Eve party, semi formal to formal. Draco whined about formal robes, said something about a muggle suit and that was that. So since I doubt I can convince my son to change without causing him to sulk and hide in the various crevices of the manor, I suppose that you dressing in an equivalent manor might be reasonable." Narcissa comments. At least they don't have to color coordinate. A nice cocktail dress or something. She would talk to Draco to see what he was wearing and therefore what she could get away with wearing. He had taken to the muggle dress code rather well and had started only wearing lightweight dress robes into court. Much to the annoyance of Lucius, who thought the clothing looked silly. These comments were always followed by outrageous pantomimes the moment Lucius left the area and Draco and herself would snicker to the point of crying because despite everything Lucius still liked to dress like a cliché' movie villan. She had lost count the number of times they mimed Dracula in various forms. The rest of the time he showed up to work in muggle wear. She wasn't sure if it was to bug Lucius who didn't seem all that phased by it or simply he like wearing the clothing more then the wizarding wear he had been brought up in. "What ever that Parkinson girl was going on about wearing, stay clear of please. Even her wizard wear is distasteful. Honestly who goes out in that?" Narcissa comments. "I used to think the muggle wear was distasteful, but that's just what I saw. Muggles don't have warming and cooling charms."

"Ah yes, I remember the time before you and the velor track suits." Hermione says remembering fondly the first time she and Draco took Narcissa into muggle London. It was an experience that alternated between hysterical and nerve racking. She and Draco have shared many a bottle of wine laughing over the experience.

"Yes, those were the dark ages. I put on a suit this morning and honestly thought about changing. Did I tell you Lucius decided to jump on the carriage and get himself one. Except he bought one of those shiny ones that make that noise. You know the swish swish, so now all over the manor. Swish swish here, swish swish there. I think he is giving the elves migraines." Narcissa says waving her hands around.

Hermione don't laugh, don't laugh. Must tell Draco. This was their lunch time entertainment. Everyone thought they had meetings once a week out to go over strategy, in fact they sat and exchanged stories over crazy behavior of his parents and the Weasleys stories from Ginny and Harry.

"Yes I sure its terribly annoying." Hermione comments. That sounded natural enough.

"Dessert?" Narcissa asks.

"Sure, I skipped lunch yesterday, I can afford the calories." Hermione says flippantly.

"I see no reason to let you go back early when I know the gentlemen are still no doubt carrying on somewhere." Narcissa says.

The ladies order dessert, continuing to chat, Hermione finding out the various hilarious things Lucius has done and the occasional amusing story about Draco as a child. She would tease him later. Hermione files the info away for a boring lunch.

The ladies had just finished the last bites of their dessert when the gentlemen walked in.

Walking to their table with bravado she had only seen from Malfoy men and on occasion, a severely drunk Ronald Weasley (displayed far less coordination with it), the men sat down. Waving over a waiter and ordering cocktails for them selves. Oh this should be interesting. Somewhere in the time they had left the office and arrived to the muggle establishment, they had lost Nott and acquired Snape. Which made Hermione giggle, Severus only came along to bait Lucius into doing something stupid. Which is no doubt why Draco had some how managed his involvement. If they would ever add a third player to their fabulous reactions of pure bloods in a muggle world game, Severus would no doubt be the first pick. The things he had manged to bait Lucius into doing was beyond hilarious and still brought tears to her eyes.

"Ladies, I assume you had a reasonably good lunch." Lucius says, Siting in a chair beside his wife and leaning his arm on the top of the back of Narcissa's chair. It was an often done move and Draco had mentioned he always figured it was a possessive one. His parents were not affectionate in public, but Draco noted that for as long as he could remember it was a near ritual of his parents.

"Very nice. I assume you also had a suitable dining experience. At an upright venue." Narcissa says looking directly at her husband and both Hermione and Draco strive hard not to snicker.

"Of course where else would we have gone, darling." Lucius responds. No one is fooled by Lucius's injection of a pet name.

"Mother, it was a steak house, nothing remotely objectionable. Except maybe the poor performance of the football team on the muggle tele." Draco speaks up.

Placated by her son's statement she looks away from Lucius and over to Snape.

"Severus, you joined them?" She asked.

"Yes Narcissa. Outside of Lucius's inability to grasp aspects of muggle society, nothing of value worth noting. "

"Good, now I did not get your RSVP for New Years." Narcissa says, leveling a stare at the former professor.

Draco and Hermione attempt to mute their giggles, and fail miserably.

"I didn't send one, if I wanted to deal with a bunch of drunken revelers, I would still be at that school." Snape says.

Draco who had slide into the booth like seat next to Hermione could see that it was going to be a battle of wills.

"He's mad because he won't be able to deduct house points." Draco comments.

"Yes and calling the Minister a hormonal dunder head is not an option when he finds him in a comprising position in the library or drawing room." Hermione adds in.

Snape levels a glare at them.

"Oh I'm sure you can find something to amuse yourself, socialize I know the only people to have access to your wards and floo don't out number the people at this table." Narcissa comments, as casual the wording, the meaning was there. Attendance was not optional. How very true Hermione thought, herself, Draco and Minerva had access and Narcissa could get close enough to ring the doorbell when Snape was in a good mood, otherwise she had to owl ahead. Lucius could not get within fifty feet before Hermione's Canary hex kicked in and attacked the well groomed blond until he went fleeing the general area. She and Draco had watched as the elder Malfoy had been repeated chased by birds when he tried to follow his wife into the house. Only to have said wife call him a big baby for not being able to handle it. An often mimed scene in one of their offices when they had to work late and need to lighten the mood.

"And what will you two do to amuse yourselves. You like attending large events only minutely more than myself." The question was innocent and vague, his tone was not and Lucius and Narcissa both turn to look at their son and the other top lawyer from their company.

"I'm sure we will find something, Godfather." Draco responds, his tone noticeably menacing, behind a relaxed face.

"Is that so?" Snape comments.

"There's more then half of dozen invited guests, that once plied with alcohol I would like to question on upcoming cases. I know they have usable information. They just haven't been receptive to the normal fact finding methods." Hermione says. She could feel Draco start to crackle beside her. His arm resting on the back rest behind her, but not touching her. Narcissa hadn't spotted it's position yet.

"Your going to use the party to work?" Narcissa says, seemingly slightly annoyed.

"No, call it more a fishing expedition. We can't officially use anything, but it will give us a nice bit to fill out a treasure map." Draco explains.

"Lucius, put a stop to this right now." Narcissa demands. Lucius was trying to stop a smile.

"Cissa, I have explained before that these two are poetry in motion when working together. " Lucius comments, trying to placate his wife. He certainly wasn't going to stop his company's two top lawyers from doing their job, off the pay clock.

It was then that Narcissa noticed the placement of Draco's arm behind her.

"Severus wasn't referring to fact finding was he?" Narcissa asks.

Both wizarding lawyers let out a breath and level a glare at their former potions professor, their eyes glowing a lilac color. The rest of the inhabitants at the table let out an audible gasp.

"Would you care to explain son, I can think of only a few things that can cause a wizard to do such of thing." Lucius says.

"Well then father why don't you take a guess." Draco says trying to contain amusement.

"The top one, considering neither of you have horns or boils would be a bonding ritual." Lucius says.

Both younger wizards smiled.

"You're bonded?" Narcissa asked stunned.

"I knew it seemed odd Hermione was obtaining books from the library too easily. The wards weren't triggering as they should. But that does not explain how you managed to bond, if I recall correctly, the ritual requires the aid of a potions maste...oh." Lucius says.

"So pixies out of the cage." Draco says smiling, his arm moving in behind Hermione, and her leg crossed toward Draco.

"Severus, you helped them in this?" Narcissa says glaring over at her son's godfather.

"Yes." Severus says, leaning back and crossing his arms, smiling in amusement. This was the most entertainment he had seen since Granger had Canary'ed the youngest male Weasley at her graduation.

"Narcissa due calm down, it is a bonding ritual and not a marriage. There is no reason to throw unforgivables at Severus." Hermione says calmly. Draco was almost worried as it was a spot on imitation of his mother in warning mode. " I also suggest you both stop with the Legilimency, as we both learned Occlumency from several of the best out there. We are both capable of making your brain leak out your ear and I'm rather sure you're fond of that robe Lucius and Narcissa, you have a particularly nice fur on today, brain matter is not in this season." Hermione finishes.

"We have been bonded for quite some time." Draco interjects knowing he should volunteer some information before it gets out of hand.

"How long is some time." Narcissa says through gritted teeth.

"After school but longer then a year." Hermione answers. They had both talked about not giving an exact date.

"Well it does explain your peculiar living arrangements." Lucius says with a smile. Both younger wizards nod.

"What do you mean Lucius?" Narcissa says continuing to stare at the two in front of her.

"This particular bonding ritual, if I remember correctly had continual requirements. How do I put this in public, of the marital kind." Lucius says.

"What father is trying to say is that if my mate and I don't get to go at it like bunnies in spring on a frequent basis, we can be prone to accidental magic release. You also forgot to mention the ability to communicate wordlessly, even over great distances." Draco says. "Did I miss anything Granger?"

"Yes a final note, Additionally, when working together, we can be very influential. Similar to Veela magic, but for a couple. Malfoy" Hermione finishes.

"But you two live in separate apartments?" Narcissa stammers out. Shocked was good.

"Which share a very long common wall." Hermione says. "We do still like our personal space and needed to keep up appearances.

"So you'll be moving into the manor?" Lucius says.

"Ah about that." Hermione says.

"No." Draco says. "We will not, I moved out and mean to stay out. I have no desire to reside there at anytime in the foreseeable future. I made it very clear when the war was over that the place held to many bad memories to ever really consider it livable again and I mean that. I have not slept a night there since that mad man fell." Draco says. Hermione put a hand on his leg. Part of the reason they had been overly secretive with the whole thing was partly due to this expectation.

"But you have been home-" Narcissa says and is cut off by.

"Floo-ed or apperated out to Potter's or Severus's sofa. This isn't a point that will change. We like living in London." Draco says firmly.

"From a practical stand point, it makes a lot of sense. For you both its a wave of your wand or a pinch of floo powder, for my parents its a bit more of a struggle. Our friends are in London, at least the ones we like seeing. Mainly Harry and Blaise and Milicent, and Luna." Hermione continues.

Blaise nods at the two of them, equally entertained by by the scene.

"Before you ask, I won't be changing my name. I rather like mine and since Draco and I are rather fond of the surnames as pet names, its unlikely to change, additionally, it would just be confusing in court." Hermione says.

"Before you ask mother, you will be waiting a while for grand children." Draco finishes. Narcissa didn't look happy, but knew she would not gain any ground on the subject that day.

"When did this all happen? " Narcissa turned the conversation to something she could work with.

"At Uni. At least in our eyes. Severus over there has other opinions." Hermione answers. Severus smiles.

Lucius and Narcissa look over at the godfather to their son.

"By the time they had actually returned to Hogwarts, they had spent enough time at the Order headquarters to have gotten past the juvenile antics of their youth. Albus, sodding old fool droned on and on about house unity. I was tired of the two top students in my class continuing to hold and trail along the other less capable ones. So I paired them up, let the rest of the little dunderheads fail. I no longer had to pass the ones in my house. It was quite clear that their magic was compatible. Albus, could do very little to intervene without looking to draw attention and after the war, he was not as infallible as before. As for why I helped them in the bonding. I think that obvious, once bonded they can not have children with others. I consider it a favor to the wizarding community by preventing Granger from feeling noble or more likely being pressured by Minerva into marring the youngest Weasley male. I have dealt with enough of them and that particular red headed seed needs to marry someone equally dunderheaded and have children that will off themselves before I have to deal with them. If we are even luckier they will do something distinctly Gryffendor brashness and off themselves on their honeymoon. Now even simply as partners without what one would identify as the romantic aspect they were quiet terrifying for those who knew what to look for. Trelawney was a right nearsighted drunk but she could tell they were to be a pair. Oh and the two of them made it worth my while financially." Severus said.

"As for why they hid it from you and everyone else. I would think that it was the same reason they sought higher education on the farthest edge of Canada from here. We all had our lives invaded by vermin like Skeeter to warrant continued secrecy. I would not fault them for wanting to keep their own." Severus says looking over to his godson and former charge. For as much as he hated it at the time he understood why Andromeda and Author and Moody all but force him to house the young witch after the war. Moody knew that keeping her from Weasley was the best course.

"Now if you do not mind Granger and I have other things to tend it and will be taking our leave." Draco says standing up and helping Hermione up.

"And where do you think you're going." Lucius says.

"Home, we've had a week of 18 hour days. I do believe my mate and I have some catching up to do." Draco says, the arm around Hermione's waist sinking distinctly lower. Hermione blushing slightly at his innuendo. She would make him pay later.

"Remember, Hermione New Years, if we don't see you sooner." Said with both friendly and ominous meaning from a mother as the two younger wizards leave the restaurant. Smiling the whole way.

In the new era, the two would no doubt rule, balanced by the other and he didn't need tea leaves or some glass ball to see it. That and out maneuvering Lucius was a nice payback for getting him involved with the dark lord. And those two little snots better let him on that game they play with reactions because he's totally claiming part ownership of today and thats a good 75 to 100 points. No doubt a good game of baiting a drunken Lucius in a few days at the New years eve party should be another large grouping of points. No wonder the two little twits played the game, Lucius and Narcissa's reactions were really priceless.


End file.
